I completely realize I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I love it…it just makes me happy, maybe some of you can relate. One of my FAVORITE things is the pesto from Saucy Sisters! Not from the Rogue Valley??? You might want to make the trek to try some…their sauces are THAT good.  My only complaint…there is no drive thru service:):)

The past few weeks have been challenging with our boys and yesterday was no excpetion…it was a “Saucy Day” if there ever was one! Just thinking about their pesto with bread and red wine made things better:) So anyway…yesterday, Sawyer (our oldest) was having a rough day. I got to school to pick him up and as I was walking up the side walk I heard his scream…not a good sign. His teacher ran out and said, “Sawyer saw you pull up and isn’t happy because we told him he could wait for you on the steps…so wait here.”  As I waited another teacher in his class told me it was no big deal but Sawyer had pulled his pants down and peed on the playground at recess… such a proud moment… (Hey we live in the country it’s OK to pee outside…apparently I just forgot to tell him it’s not OK to do in public:))

After getting over the frustration of me messing up the schedule he had in his head, we got in the van and headed to blockbuster to get our movie for movie night.  The problem was I knew we had to change things up once again because instead of having Friday Night Movie Night like we do every Friday, we were going to my nephew’s graduation party. And alomost equally important…I was DYING to sneak in a visit to the new farmers market to get my pesto .  So as we were driving home from the movie store all three kids were crying (the babies because they were sick of being in the car) and Sawyer because he was overwhelmed at my explanation of the night’s schedule.  I found myself having an out of body experience…not because of the extremely loud chaos taking place in the back of the van…but because the farmers market was getting closer and I was trying to figure out how I could turn the melting kids in the backseat into presentable human beings long enough to park and grab the pesto. Everything I said made the situation worse, I started sweating, the turn off was approaching and I there was no way I could stop. I wanted to join in the drama and throw my own little fit!!! In my head I was screaming…”PESTO…I need PESTO!!”

Needless to say mama didn’t get pesto…Sawyer continued to melt and made a grand entrance into the graduation party by flinging himself on the ground and then telling everyone to stop talking and go home. I tried to fill the pesto void in my life with two glasses of my favorite red wine…it was good but pesto makes everything better and Saucy Sister’s pesto + bread + wine makes the world a better place.

I am making a picture cue to add to our picture schedule for next Friday…and the world will be right again.

Do you have a favorite thing that just makes life better??? I want to hear about it!

PS if you live in Southern Oregon you can try Saucy Sisters out at Redrock Restaurant or the Armory Farmer’s Market on Thursdays and now the Roxyanne Farmer’s Market on Fridays from 3-7 pm.

The best tip I can give anyone reading…don’t do what I do:):) I literally move from one mess to another throughout the day. On top of the everyday clutter, laundry, dishes and desperate need to vacuume … I live with three of the grubbiest, grimiest most mischievous little boys God ever made…God bless em:).

The other day as I was just getting finished cleaning up the baking soda Thatcher had dumped out over the entire bathroom (don’t ask:)) when I heard my mom saying, “Uhhh you’d better come look at this.”  I raced down stairs to see what mess awaited me. Thatcher had poured out an entire pot of coffee and was laying on his stomach in the middle of the mess pretending to swim. I didn’t get a picture of him swimming but I took a picture of the aftermath. What you don’t see is the puddles it left in the bottom of our cupboards all over dishes. Good times…

And … Tip #1 from the McPhail Book of Madness:

Dump out any remaining coffee from the pot after you’ve had your morning fix. Little monkey fingers can make a mess when you least suspect it.

PS We had to use good ole amonia to clean up a mess of this caliber…don’t judge…just love:)

Two nights ago my little monkeys…I mean boys were eating dinner. I ran up stairs for a second (because I was crazy enough to think I could actually go to the bathroom alone for once) and within about 30 second blood curdling screams were coming from the kitchen. I ran down to see who was hurt and it turns out they were actually screams of joy. The boys were having their first organized food fight. It’s not unusual for one of them to lob something they don’t want to eat on the floor. But this was the single biggest food mess my kids have ever made. While it probably would have been better for me to take a picture and laugh it off (as my husband who was not there to clean it up did)…I was FURIOUS! It had already been one of THOSE days and I was not amused!  I went around and scolded each of them while muttering about the fact that C.J. has so conveniently missed out on the messy event.

As the dog was helping me clean the melted plasticky vegan cheese and garbanzo been bread off of the floor (maybe that is why they decided to throw it instead of eat it:)) I wondered how many germs he was leaving behind with each lick of his tongue. Now a good mother would have put the dog out and cleaned the mess up to perfection, but it was the end of a long hard day and I appreciated the help:) Anywho, The commercial for the Seventh generation cleaning products popped into my head. There is a part where they talk about the “five second rule” as a mother bends down to pick up her baby’s pacifier off of her very clean and oh so “green” floor. I wondered if her dog had helped lick up any spills or messes that day…probably not:)

I have done a little research and I have  some suggestions for natural cleaners:

*Basic H: Went to their website and liked what I saw…it looks like Oprah gave it away as one of her “Favorite Things”. That’s great, but it’s hard for me to imagine Oprah on her hands and knees scrubbing cheese and dog siliva off of her floor. I think I will order a bottle though. It looks like it is soy free and it is gluten free too which is huge for anyone with kids on the autism spectrum.

* I bought the seventh generation all purpose cleaner last night. It smell good, it’s all natural and it cleaned up the honey Sawyer smeared all over the kitchen counter this morning.

Honestly I think a lot of the natural cleaners out now would be good choices…but they are also more expensive than bottles of ammonia and bleach. Sooo, being the budget Nazi that I am… I just spent like $8 and bought a book on do it yourself natural cleaners from amazon.com. I just read an excerpt on what you can do with lemons and I was sold!! I’ll let you know how it goes!

* 66 All-Natural Cleaning Solutions – AOL Home.

You may be asking why in the heck a natural cleaning product is any better than the heavy duty chemicals….I don’t really know that they are, but I do know that I am looking to simplify life. That means buying things with fewer ingredients, and not purposefully bringing harsh chemicals into my house and in contact with my oh so crazy enough children. There are so many chemicals and things I can’t pronouce in EVERYTHING from food to soap, to make-up and cleaners…I just want to see what life is like without them. And if our house can be peaceful and zen like it is in the stinking commercials…Ok that’s a stretch but  maybe we will at least be a little less crazy:)

I am always looking for great organizational tips, healthy recipes and natural beauty treatments!!! So keep em coming:) While I never know what I am going to write about….planning ahead would take way to much organization for this girl…I will keep it in the areas of cleaning/organization, laundry, meals, and ahhhhh me/you time:):)

Anyway, I just wanted to write a quick note to say I am going to start blogging again…it’s been on my heart for a while now…so as I like to say, it’s time to put on my big girl undies and do it:) This time I am going to focus on tips to ease life with kids. I MUST get some sort of order around here before I eat my children…I mean so I can be a better mother:)

So if you’re at all interested in reading about me being a test dummy for lots of tips and tricks to make a happy household stay tuned…I’ll try them first so you’ll know what you’re getting yourself into.

First subject…cleaning the house with natural/homemade products…is it really as easy as some people say?? AND will it get my house….one of the dirtiest…as clean as the bleach I douse everything in now… I will check it out and report back.

If anyone has any EASY…CHEAP tips, feel free to share. I’m not afraid to try anything at least once:)

Just to prove I'm not lying...the rest is on my bed:)

Our Thanksgiving was quiet and fairly uneventful. We were all so excited that we were able to get Sawyer and Thatcher to try bites of turkey (only a parent of a severely picky child can appreciate the hugeness of this occasion.) However about 5 minutes into the meal Sawyer was running to the bathroom gagging and convulsing (the boy has texture issues what can I say:) ) I sat at the table watching him run with fork in hand  knowing he was about to … hmmm how do I say this delicately…blow chunks. I yelled after him, “Don’t put the fork in the toilet!” and then I headed up to clean Thanksgiving dinner up off of the toilet seat. I was just proud that he made it to the bathroom, a few Easters ago just as we were all sitting down to eat he threw up at the table … in his plate.

Everyday I am amazed at how Sawyer progresses. Just trying new things is a really big deal for kids with autism and as his little body is able to self regulate he can handle change and new experiences in life and at some point he may even come to enjoy them. I can so relate to Sawyer’s autism on a spiritual level…I think we all can to some extent.

I failed so many times during this challenge! But I had to keep trying to see past my circumstances to praise God even for the hard stuff…and I know without a doubt that in itself pleased God. I have been searching for a way to sum up everything God has shown me during the challenge and last night driving home from Portland CJ showed me this verse out of the Message bible:

“So don’t lose a minute in building on what you’ve been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can’t see what’s right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books.” -2Peter 1:5-9

• Good Character … (Gumption – Still want it!!)
• Spiritual Understanding … (I’m trying)
• Alert Discipline … (A girl can dream – one day my checkbook will be balanced and I will be 20 lbs. lighter)
• Passionate Patience … (The gift God has given me through this journey)
• Reverent Wonder … (Experienced daily as I watch God work in and through my boys)
• Warm Friendliness … (Only after about 4 cups of coffee)
• Generous Love … (Still learning through God’s amazing example in my life)

If nothing else this Challenge has given me perspective and shown me what is truly important in life. Loving God with my whole life…not just with my words or a christianese bumper sticker…but with all of who I am is really ALL He cares about.  He wants me to do this when life is bliss and when life is so suffocatingly overwhelming that all I want to do is suck my thumb and curl up into the fetal position.

He has shown me through YOUR comments and e-mails that I am not the only one suffering…I’ve just care about my suffering more than yours. (Selfish but true, what can I say) He has opened my eyes to the fact that … drumroll please … It’s not all about me … even in my pain … it’s not even remotely about me. But in His grace and unfailing love He still cares about every aspect of my life.

I completely realize that I am all over the place here … why do you think it took me 10 stinking days to even attempt to wrap this up? I am not the same today as I was 3 months ago. Trying to be positive and praise the Lord for everything for 90 days hasn’t suddenly morphed me into polly positive, to date I’ve yet to break out in song when some idiot (God bless him of course ) cuts me off in traffic. But it has given me an overall sense of hope and clarity. It has been the kick in the butt I so desperately needed to make me see that in the midst of heart ache and just plain crappiness  … God truly does bless us. Wether we choose to see His blessings is what determines how much joy and contentment we will be able to experience in life. So for now I have chosen to be “passionately patient” with God, life, kids, work and the 20 extra pounds of cellulitey love that lives on my butt.  Because the alternative is to return to a life of bitter resentment towards God and his plans … and I’m not that person anymore … I hope you’re not either.

I’ve talked before about how hard it has been to be on the receiving end of help for the past year. God has humbled me in places I didn’t even know I had, and I am better for it. To be honest…before we were pushed head first into the most trying season of our lives, in some twisted way, giving and helping the needy gave me a small sense of superiority. (OK I know that’s disgusting, but I’m just being honest.)

I have never had to go hungry, in fact the 20 extra pounds that ride passenger on my butt everyday are examples of just the opposite. I’ve always had a roof over my head and my children have always been safe and provided for. Praise Jesus! While I can’t identify with hunger pains and truly loosing everything…I can relate to feeling helpless in circumstances that are beyond my control. Have you ever judged people that have obviously been through the system – who may or may not work hard for a living – who may or may not be on welfare – who may or may not have many children with different fathers? A couple of months ago I was in a waiting room surrounded by people from all walks of life. I desperately wanted to scream “I don’t belong here!! I am not like these people!” But instead I had to fight back the tears as I heard God tell me, “Lindsay, you are no better than anyone in this room…I love them all…they are all mine.” I begged God for forgiveness and I have to say, I haven’t been the same since.

Yesterday on the radio one lady in particular stood out. She talked about how a couple of years ago she had been the recipient of a food basket from Hope for the Hungry. She explained how hard it was to not be able to afford to put meet in her freezer for her family and then how overwhelming it was to receive a huge basket of much needed food for Thanksgiving. Now, she has shared her testimony with her church and she was helping others in her community by handing out food baskets last night. She went on to say how everything she has is because of God and everything she is for His glory. (Her words were so much more beautiful and impacting.) As they wrapped up her segment the DJ’s came back with, “Well you can’t out give God.” Ahhhhh! I don’t even know what that means and I think we can all agree that corny Christian cliché’s are so last year!! Anyway, I will no longer look at the “needy” in judgement or with pity or as a charity cases … but I will identify with their hurts and fears with love and respect.

Thank you God for giving me perspective.

I have to say that I have never been accused of being overly “lady-like” and as for manners…One time in the 6th grade I was eating some left over spaghetti while I did my homework. My mom was very obviously disgusted by the red sauce that was dripping off my chin, not to mention my smacking and they gross sound I made each time I slurped up a mouthful of noodles. I had finally pushed her to her limit. She sat down at the table and insisted that I eat like a normal person… she told me to pretend like my child hood crush (Tyler Douglas) was sitting at the table with me. As she pretended to be Tyler I got the giggles and she wouldn’t let me leave the table. She didn’t believe me when I told her I had to go to the bathroom. So like any well behaved lady would do I peed my pants at the table. We still laugh about it because sadly my manner aren’t much better at 30 than they were at 12 (Minus the peeing my pants at the table.) Sorry mom … you lost that battle. Yet, in spite of my atrocious manners I still wrangled a pretty decent man into marrying me and here we live with our own “table-mannerless” boys. (It might be a genetic condition.)

Since my “lady-likeness” is not likely to win me any awards or make me stand out in the crowd, I decided that I would much rather stand out by being genuine, loving, and forgiving. Obviously I have a long way to go, but I just think if I am going to pour myself into something that will require a lot of time and prayer and discipline – that it should be meaningful and Glorifying to God….because God already sees me as a lady, right???

The word enemy to me has always been a more watered down version of the above description:) Like someone who cuts me off in traffic…or worse yet, someone who takes my parking spot. Today I could extend that title to a slimy, evil, spineless, coward (too much?? trust me I’m being nice) of a CEO whose recent decisions have affected some of the people I love most in the world. The bible is clear how we should treat our enemies…darn!

The entire time I was reading about Manassah I was hoping for God’s sweet justice in his life. As a good Christian woman I should have been praying that he would see the wrong in his ways and turn back to God…but I have to admit I wanted him to pay (such a shining example of love and grace I am ) Anyway, in the end Manasssah truly did repent and God forgave and restored him. God is so good.

Sin is sin – and I am a sinner…so many times food and security are my chosen idols, Jesus would call the hatred I’ve had in my heart for certain people throughout my life murder, and I’ve already confessed to turning my back on God (for a short time) when I felt he was treating me unfairly just this past year. What makes me so different from Manassah? What makes me so different from Mr. Slime-ball CEO who just devastated so many families out of greed and a sick need for power? The truth is nothing, their sin is no greater than mine…that’s why we all need a savior, a redeemer, a souvreign God who forgives.

It’s a week before Thanksgiving and the thing I am most grateful for in my life, right now, tonight…is JESUS. By now you should know that corny “christianese” cliches repulse me…so please don’t take this the wrong way. Jesus and His love and unending grace are the only things that have kept me from going off the deep end this year. And now as much as my guts don’t want to do this I am going to pray for Mr. Slime-ball CEO…Lord we all deserve your sweet justice in our lives…thank you so much for not giving it to us! I pray tonight that you will restore and forgive Mr. Slime-ball and his four spineless lackeys, even though I would love to see you humiliate them and make them feel the pain that they have just cause 12 families right before the Holidays (hey just being honest)… I pray that like Manassah, they will realize that ultimately all that matter’s in life is You and Your Kingdom and that you will change them for Your glory. Amen. Uuuggghh that was hard – and while my prayer may not have seemed heart felt I know for me the first step in changing my heart, my hatred, my bitterness is to act the way I wish I felt.

Today, for the forth time since we’ve lived at my moms, Sawyer threw a rock through a window in the tack house. Usually we would look at him and very dramatically say how sad we were that he had broken the window, I’ve even been known to make myself cry to get him to realize the gravity of the situation. (whatever, you know you have dirty tricks up your mommy sleeve too.) It always ends with him saying he’s sorry and giving hugs, a lot of Sawyer’s vocabulary is just words or phrases he’s memorized to deal with specific situations…so he can spout off a memorized response robotically, but most of the time it’s just lip service. Today we did something new…today my mom didn’t talk to him, but told me loud enough for him to hear how sad she was…no matter how much he jumped in her face to get attention she wouldn’t look at him, hug him or even touch him. As quietly and gently as I could I lead him to the house for a time out. He was heart broken and begging me to let him go apologize to my mom. I ignored his requests for about 5 minutes and then I let him up and we talked about why he can’t smash large rocks through the glass. He went out to my mom and gave the most sincere heart felt apology he’s ever given and even kissed her heart. We’ve realized (with some help from autism specialists) that Sawyer thrives on attention and taking it away is the only way to modify violent, destructive behavior.

Like Sawyer did with us today, I’ve come through a season of not sensing God’s presence with deep, sincere appreciation for his love, grace and acceptance. It’s easy to praise God when things are good, or easy or at least not bad…But praising Him in the darkest valley of my life has changed me and given me such a different perspective on life.

Today Jesus I Praise you for a glimpse of an exciting new beginning. I praise you for simply being able to since your presence today. Thank you Lord.